You're not alone; everyone has sexual problems at some point.
While the media paints sex as easy and hot and suggests that everyone but you is having loads of sex, the truth is that having great sex takes work. Young newlyweds often have sexual adjustment problems, couples with young children are often exhausted and have trouble keeping the bedroom a priority, leading to fights and feelings of relational doom.
Older couples struggle with physical issues and old relational resentments that can shut down sex. And everyone must deal with the struggle over closeness and space, in marriage, which is the essential difficulty in maintaining desire.
Fears about sex therapy: "They'll suggest a threesome to spice up our sex life, I’ll have to reveal all my past sexual escapades to my spouse, I’ll be shamed for how little I know about sex, or the sex therapist will be some New Age-Barbara Streisand-in-Meet the Fockers-flowery, weirdo."
Actual experience: “I can’t believe how long we waited to get help!” is the most frequent comment I hear from sex therapy graduates. Second only to the comments about my consulting room (“Oh, it looks just like a living room”). Third to the comment, “I didn’t know these feelings were normal.”
There are people in this world that are well-educated but really don't know how to communicate with empathy. Others have a lot of compassion but don't know enough to be helpful. I'm the best of both worlds. I have the experience and knowledge, but I won't talk down to you. I don't do cookie-cutter solutions, I don't sell cures, and I won't waste your time. I'm straightforward and can be confrontational when it's needed to move you forward.
I know how incredibly vulnerable this can feel. No one should be expected to carry a burden like yours alone. I'll give you the support, guidance, and affirmation you need to get through it. While everyone's issues and needs are unique, the benefits of counseling are typically universal:
- Healthier primary relationships.
- Clearer and more effective communication.
- Increased emotional stability.
- Feelings of competency and confidence.
- Improved self-worth.
These benefits tend to have a domino effect in your life, flowing from one area to another. Therapy can improve your relationships with other people around you and even increase your satisfaction at work. With couples, the most common issues I work on are desire discrepancy (when one partner wants more intimacy than the other), infidelity recovery, or disturbances in the relationship due to poor communication and/or life changes. I also see clients for issues concerning sexual abuse trauma, reduced/low libido, kink/fetishes, polyamory, sexual dysfunction, gender identity, pornography addiction, and general relationship counseling.
This is the traditional model of therapy, where services are provided in my office. A person could choose this option for a variety of reasons: you like the traditional, personal interface, you don't feel "safe" in any of your current environments to openly share, or you want a designated time and space (outside of your normal world) for therapy to happen. Maybe you want your partner to join you in therapy, and don't want dodgy camera angles to interfere with the real time reactions you two will have.
If you choose this option, please be aware of my office location, your commute time, and please know that I do not have a waiting room, so planning to arrive early won't be very helpful for you. My office is located in a very quiet and professional office building with adaptive accessibility and restrooms.
Virtual therapy is an exciting new evolution of counseling to reach a wider audience. This option is great if you have a tight work schedule where an hour is valuable and scarce, if you travel, or if you want therapy to fit into your life, not stop your life. I can also accommodate couples this way, but its not my personal preference.
Sessions are conducted via the Simple Practice platform using Telehealth, a HIPPA compliant format, which ensures confidentiality. You only need a smart phone, laptop, and a strong internet connection. Sessions are not recorded, and the responsibility is on you to find a safe and secure place to have your session.
Headphones are recommended. Of course, I can help switch your sessions between the two settings, as my schedule may permit.
